Both concerts went very well, yay. We sang wonderfully and I felt especially on saturday like I found a beautiful voice I didn't know I had. It's come out sporadically before, in a loud part of the requiem two years ago, but ooh, I felt like I had control of it. That sounds odd eh, like normally I don't have control of my voice. But I don't, past a point, not the timbre. But sometimes it just comes through as this lovely, pure tone, and what an excellent thing that is. I feel like singing every day until I can get there easily. I wish choir didn't break for the summer.

I am getting over missing out on a solo. Heh, until yesterday I never knew I wanted one, but when the chance came, oh man, did I ever want one. Well, now the director and my lead know I'd be willing, and I know that hey, external authorities think maybe I could do a fine job of one. So hmm! Maybe next year.

In high school choir I had a "solo face" I made when anyone suggested I sing a solo. My nose crunches up and my eyebrows hunch in and I look like an angry elf. I made the music teacher almost fall over laughing with it. He did knock over a music stand. And I didn't have to sing any solos. I thought I had such a bad voice, such a weak voice, such a poor ability to learn songs. But even now 8 years later I still remember the alto lines to most of the songs from grade 8 choir. How strange! When I joined the church choir I was relieved there was no audition, because whoah, OBVIOUSLY I would not get past an audition. But then I got there and.. I could sing. I could learn the music quickly and sing every note on pitch and the lead was all happy I joined and people are upset when I missed a practice. Whoah! Ability paradigm rearrangement. Before singing was always something like sports: I am bad at it, but I continue doing it because I must conquer my weaknesses. If I can't naturally excel, I will make good by pure stubbornness. Vis my running, struggling constantly to make new personal records, each one a triumph but still impossibly slow.

But I can sing, it turns out. Not like, brilliantly, but enough to be a competent member of an amateur choir anyway. How strange that was to discover. It was kind of like when I drastically improved at skiing between two seasons. I think I just had grown and gotten enough coordination to put together all the instruction I had had earlier, and zoom! I could ski. I don't know how that works with singing, though. I guess I don't need to understand, just enjoy. Choir is such a constant joy to me. I am sad that we'll be breaking for summer. Music is the best spiritual practice there is.

Inspecting the apartment tomorrow. Whee! There better not be anything bad. Cockroaches, leaky roof, interdimensional portal in the refrigerator. 'Cause dude if there's not then we're buying a house, man.