I really, really dislike this second job. I don't know what it is about it, but I dread coming here every day. I think I have come to the conclusion that 2/3 time at my old job is the perfect amount for the work that's there, and 2/3 time here would be the right amount for the work here now that some has been shuffled off. Except that I'm only working 1/2 time at the my old job, so it's getting stressful and I'm not getting anything done, and I'm only 1/2 time here and I don't even like the work here, so it's stressful and unpleasant. Augh! I should just tell this to mom, drastically reduce my hours here to like, the 1 or 2 hours a week they need me doing spreadsheet stuff, and work the hours I'm being paid for - 5 a day - at my old job. I could come home at noon every day and still afford rent etc. I could have a nap every day without cutting in to time I have to socialize / read / be sane etc.

I so do not have the balls to say no if my mom says "well we need you here now." Her job is way stressful, her father is in the middle of dying, la la la, my ennui is pretty piddly in comparison. On the other hand, if I get the balls up to ask in the first place, my chances of being turned down are.. actually I have no idea. This whole thought is just adding an extra layer of stomach roiling to my unpleasant afternoon.

God though, I could feel happy and spend the summer in the sunshine. Ugh. I don't know what to do. I wish she was in the office now.