more and more I feel like I should drop one or both of my classes. my schedule is insane, I don't have time to do everything, and I feel so bad when I don't do everything.

but it would be such a bad idea if I plan to keep on with the pharmacy idea. and so instead of dropping the idea of dropping, I start to think well maybe I should not go back to school at all, keep working here forever, whatever.

there's a problem too. I'm finally feeling okay about my current job. and that's, surprisingly, making school and everything harder, because I start to think oh what's the point?

but I want to go to school. and I want it just barely enough to keep going. maybe not even that much, but momentum is helping too. 11 weeks to go, starting with this one right now today. I just have to.. do it.. and then it will be.. done.

boy is getting more work at place B lately; full-time for a couple weeks he has now. I'm glad. I hope it keeps up, because then maybe he can move in. That would be one less stress - trying to fit him in to my schedule and not always able (once a week? oh fuck that..) to even though I want to curl up with him more or less 24/7.

ahh ah.

my apartment is slowly becoming homier. I want the goddamn fucking landlord to fix the fucking broken crap. It's been three christing weeks since I moved in. Anyway. Last night I put some more stuff up on the walls, that helps. I tucked the last unpacked boxes in to the storeroom. I need more things for the wall. I threw out a lot of old posters and stuff I didn't really like that much so what's left looks great, but there's all this space. I keep wanting to paint, but that sounds like a nightmare.

gonna get new running shoes today. and may that be a lesson to you.