Today I am the sneezy girl. Write that down; I'll call you in as a witness when I try to prove that I'm allergic to work.

Yesterday I went biking around the town. Well, through the town, to the next town. On the way home my crappy rat-trap fell off, in to my wheel, knocking my rear brake out of whack. Fortunately the dude I was riding with had like eight million tools in his pocket, 7.9 million of which were required to extract my broken rat trap from the wreckage (the smoking, charred remains of my bike! okay not really.) and take my metal panniers off so I could chuck out the snapped-in-several-key-places rat trap. (rattrap? rat-trap? rat trap? I don't think I've ever seen that in print. Is there some more genteel name for it you learn once you leave elementary school that I totally missed?) Anyway, my bike was then rideable again, even if the rear brakes were a pain to use and I had no rear reflector. (heh, well, I had a spare, but uh.. no batteries in it. doh. I am SO unprepared for everything bike-like. I knew I should have kept carrying around my mini crescent wrench.)

okay so I had this mini crescent wrench I used to carry around. I bought it because it was SO CUTE! I liked crescent wrenches because we used them in the theatre for hanging lights. Although this one would have been too small for that. Anyway, I carried it in my purse for two years and never used it once. Once at home I needed a crescent wrench, but then this one was too small. But then last night! I totally needed a crescent wrench.

Only we fixed things without it, so obviously I didn't, and really a leatherman would weigh the same and be more useful. But uh.

I just want any excuse to start carrying around a full-sized purse again, crammed to the gills with all sorts of useless "could be useful one day!" stuff. Given the slightest chance, I become a paranoid boy scout obsessed with being prepared. I used to carry an eyeglass repair kit in my purse. I don't wear glasses. My vision is abnormally keen. Not even sunglasses. (I have this thing where, when I wear sunglasses, I can't hear anything. I put them on, and it's like I'm in the cone of silence. I go on auto-ignore mode. I'm such a frickin' head case.) Anyway. So this last year I finally got wise and started buying teeny tiny purses that only fit my wallet and keys so that I CAN'T carry all that crap around.

But ohhh, I want to. In the Scud the Disposable Assassin comics there's a character called Drywall who is all zippers. In each zippered pocket is a trans-dimensional wormhole link to an enourmous warehouse full of everything. So he can reach in to his pocket and pull out a grand piano or a case of afro-wigs if he ever needed one. I totally want to be that man. Kid. Thing. Whatever he is. At the height of my purse-osity I used to carry:

wallet (heh, I won't go in to how crammed with stuff it is..)
passport
lip balm, two kinds
eyeglass repair kit
keys
bus route map
map of local parks
all the bus schedules for the entire region
swiss army knife
lighter (I don't smoke)
strike-anywhere matches in waterproof container (in case uhh.. the lighter wasn't enough.)
postage stamps
crescent wrench
mini-stapler
6 or 7 pens
2 or 3 pencils
small notebook
small first aid kit and manual
25 safety pins
tube of krazy-glue
paper face masks
hair clips and elastics
mint candies
children's tylenol
list of phone numbers of almost everyone I knew
chopsticks in carrying case
plastic fork and spoon
pill-crusher
electrical tape
small, flat roll of duct tape

And damn, that was in my purse just to go to the corner and back. Going out for a few hours I might also bring a cellphone, two or three books, a change of clothes, several snacks...

The sick thing is as I typed up that list I kept thinking "ooh, handy.. I should start doing that again.. only adding a full set of bicycle tools and a scientific calculator." I'm hopeless.