God help the parents of small children. There are TVs on everywhere I go today, and they're all showing burning fucking buildings and people leaping out of them. The TV in the gym last night, the TV in the breakfast place in the mall, TVs in the windows of shops. TVs in my office, although at least they're tuned to the stock news channels and get more of the solemn commentary side of things, maybe replaying clips from the memorial deal at the NYSE this morning, no actual burning buildings. I think the only tasteful thing I've seen all day has been in the lobby of our office tower where they have a canadian flag and a US flag and a small sign that says "Today we remember the victims & families of September 11, 2001." Or anyway, maybe it was just the only thing that hasn't /annoyed/ me today; it had the guts the call them victims. Which is like, what they were and it's terribly sad. The memorial at "ground zero", and what a stupid name that is, is dedicated to the 2314 "heroes" of september 11. Heroes. Ack. The firemen I guess were heroic; although the communications breakdown and what that led to so many of them dying is more tragic than anything. But people helplessly dying in the buildings. It's not heroic. It's just very, very sad and terrible. At least "victim" lets you feel the grief. "Hero" feels so manipulative. Like I am supposed to feel very angry! Like I am supposed to put sadness aside and channel it in to flag waving! or revenge! Like I don't need to empathize with the dying; like they weren't people like me, they were Heroes, like this is at a huge remove from me, like I shouldn't be scared, like I should be happy for how they got to demonstrate their heroism. Fuck, man. It's all kind of like the man whose fianc�e calls off the marriage because she feels called to become a nun, and his faith says he is supposed to be happy for her and not feel sad. Denial, denial, denial. But whatever, that's one small inappropriateness in a sea of them. I. Don't. Want. To. See. Burning. Buildings. Any. More. I feel no need to "keep the feeling raw." I don't need to be forced to remember it. I didn't forget it. Turn that shit off I am trying to get to work and carry on with my life.

Well, I mean I guess I don't mind being made uncomfortable. The holocaust symposium in highschool made me uncomfortable every year, but I don't think it should stop; armistice day makes me cry most years but I don't think it should stop. I just hate the way all this remembering is tied in to american patriotism, how it all seems to be part of Bush's campaign to invade fucking Iraq. I am terrified that he will set the world on fire.