Can't stop thinking about that idol. Uh, midterm. Find out today, I guess. I think if he isn't planning on a retest or something I will ask him to have the department head review the exam. But ugh, my stomach is roiling just thinking of doing this. I'm so pissed off that this is causing me so much anxiety. He had better make things right.

I am secretly hoping for a retest, although this is the least likely option. I have been doing more math problems this weekend, partly to keep sharp for a retest, partly to soothe my mind: "I DO know how to do this shit." I'm not the fastest, but ugh, you shouldn't have to be the fastest to pass an exam. An average student should be able to do okay, and I've studied more than the average student god damnit and I don't know if I passed! I'm dwelling. I will find out at 3:30. Damnit. It seems so likely that all I will find out is that I'll find out later. Ugh ugh ugh. He better have marked them. And then decided to do something about it. Ugh ugh ugh.

I have a lab exam tomorrow that is such a non-issue in comparison. I have been half-heartedly rewriting my notes, but I feel like it will be no problem. Biology is turning in to my comfort food this semester. I study it more than I maybe need to, just because it's so comfortingly easy to study for and because the expectations are so clear. The potential for trick questions, questions that require special insight or ingenuity, or understanding of prerequisite concepts, is limited. You just need to memorize a truck-load of stuff. But that's my specialty.

Today if all goes well I will mail my pharmacy application. Then I can change from "ugh, I still need to do this!" worrying to "Ack, I wonder what they will think" worrying, which is much less consuming. Especially since I am guessing they don't really look at them until June. I can put off almost all "they could be looking at it.. RIGHT NOW" thoughts until then, or at least until the end of this semester when I send off my last transcript. Plus then I will know what my second pcat scores are, and what my final grades are, and everything will be hunky dory. Or something.