Dohhh foiled! I have no tall pot for processing pickles! The boy express better get here soon.

In the meantime, breana is intermaviewing me:

Here's your interview. I guess you have to include these rules in your post. Bah, rules. 1. Leave a comment in my notes, saying you want to be interviewed. 2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions. 3. You'll update your Web site with my five questions, and your five answers. 4. You'll include this explanation. 5. You'll ask up to five other people five questions when they want to be interviewed. And now for the questions:

1. Is there a song you wish had been written about you?

"Diamonds on the soles of her shoes." Then I could go ice skating on glass buildings (I also need for a song about outer space where anti-gravity is invented to be about me) and etch figure-eights in to the sides permanently.

2. Do you write poetry, and if so, is it any good?

I've written some in high school, mostly light-hearted doggerel for school assignments and one or two angsty affairs. I have written one poem ever that I am proud of, but not proud enough to tell you about it. Although it is on the internet somewhere anonymously. Hah! There is a bad mixture of hubris and cowardice for you.

3. If you were an outlaw, what would your reward poster say?

There would be no reward poster! No one would ever SUSPECT I was an outlaw, let alone get close enough for a blurry photo and list of crimes!

Okay probably "wanted (but not hard) for trespassing in public parks after hours. suspect is armed and dangerous in backwards land. please feel free to approach and administer stern but halfhearted talking to." I don't even jaywalk and I pay my taxes early; I cannot express how not an outlaw I am. I used to cry in elementary school when someone suggested sneaking in to use the washrooms without getting a bathroom pass first.

4. They say the CIA can train you to kill a man with almost anything. You have to kill a man, and you only have at your disposal one pink rubber flip flop, a garden hose, a pair of tweezers, and an unpainted fake plastic garden gnome. How do you kill him?

Go to man's house. Find utility drawer. Remove masking tape. Tear off half-inch piece of masking tape. Choke man with masking tape. Put on flip flop, take garden gnome to the backyard to hang out and have fake conversations with the garden hose. Gossip about tweezers, who are left all alone at the scene of the crime.

5. What is the strangest thing you ever found in your freezer?

The dessicated hand of jesse james fastened to a golf-ball retriever! Wait, that was in a video game. I don't know, some squid. I only have food in there, man. Although that reminds me of a friend's favourite pick-up line: "You have stolen my heart! But don't worry, I have four more in the freezer at home."